Mrs Masher has taken the kids off to the South of France for a holiday.

I’m home alone.

As a consequence, I now have an aching wrist and blisters on my palm.

Y’see, we have this bush in the back garden. It’s horrible. And each year it gets bigger.
I’ve never liked it and have threatened to remove it on several occasions.
Mrs M, however, is quite attached to it.  “Don’t you dare touch my bush!” she says, each time I talk of maybe pruning it back a bit.

But, she is away on holiday and when she returns, she’ll find that her bush is gone. I’ll not mention it till then.
Meantime, I’ll have to get some better secateurs, that are easier to squeeze.

Mrs M rang me last night… just to check on the dog. “She’s fine”, I said. And she is… albeit, suffering in this heat, as we all are.

She rang just as I was preparing my dinner. “So, what are you having?” she asked.

“Well, as it’s Sunday, I’ve decided to have a roast chicken dinner. I’ve got chicken, roast potatoes , peas, carrots, Yorkshire pudding and stuffing.””

“You? You’re cooking a roast?  I don’t believe you.”

“Nope, I am. I’m just preparing it all right now”, I said.

Pop!  Pop! Popopop!

“Hold on…is that the sound of a film lid being pierced?”

“It might be.”

I love being home alone.


  1. Alan

    Mrs M would have been better of staying at home while her bush was trimmed especially with the wild bush fires that keep popping up in overheated holiday spots.

    • Masher

      No bush fires where she is, Alan.
      Unless she pops out… which is easily done with these tiny bikinis.

  2. Frances

    Does she not read your blog ? You are going to be in such trouble when she gets back !!

    • Masher

      No she doesn’t.

      And yes I am!

  3. David Sheriton

    Is she down our way? There are some magnificent bushes on display in the area. I’ve seen them. And lots of different colours. And some are a bit droopy. That’s because of the heat. Late last week it was 52 degrees in the direct sun. That’s 125 in old money!

    • Masher

      Montpelier, Dave.

      52 degrees is just daft.
      Stoopid French; always go too far.

      • David Sheriton

        Montpelier, not a million miles away. Because that would be like Neptune or something.

  4. Jules

    You should never mess with a lady’s bush when she’s not looking.

    A microwave dinner? Dear Lord. Have you no shame? Nah… course not!

    Enjoy your freedom, aching wrist, and blisters, Masher!

    • Masher

      It’s alright: we’re married, so I’m allowed to (I’m sure there was something about it in the wedding vows).

  5. Brennig

    In matters of topiary I do enjoy a freshly trimmed bush. And on the home alone cooking front, you can’t beat a good quality dinger meal.

    • Masher

      Three pounds fifty from Sainsbury’s, Bren. Definitely good quality.

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