Crap Shots

I’m watching an action series on Sky at the moment, called Strike Back. It’s based on the books written by ex-SAS soldier, Chris Ryan. The books – in turn – are based upon his own exploits.

Obviously, with anything like this, there is always a bit of ‘poetic licence’ thrown in to spice it up a bit. Especially when it is “based” upon real events.

I don’t really have a problem with this: it’d be pretty dull watching, otherwise. Because a soldiers life is dull… on the whole. Much of it is spent cleaning boots.

But there is one thing in this sort of programme that often annoys me; something that they always give a little too much poetic licence to. And it’s not just in Strike Back… they all do it!

Mission Impossible; James Bond; 24; Die Hard, Jason Bourne, etc, etc.

They all make the bad guys out to be really bad shots.

Bad guys – and I suppose I’m talking about the henchmen here – nearly always have machine guns, And yet, they still miss!

When you are spraying bullets out of an automatic weapon, at one man running across an office floor, it is incredibly difficult to miss him and yet still shoot every single pane of glass and piece of office equipment around him to smithereens.

And, have you noticed how, if the good guy is running across a field or a beach, the bad guy will seemingly aim their machine gun just behind him, at his feet; missing him completely but throwing up puffs of dirt or sand six inches from his heels as he runs, until he eventually reaches some cover.

And Bad Guy Bullets™ won’t penetrate a car door or an upturned table that is protecting the good guy. Even though they mostly would in real life.

Good guys – of course – are much better shots and can generally kill or disable their much-more-heavily-armed-foe, with cunning and guile… and the very last bullet in the magazine of their Glock 19.

If I were a henchman and they gave me a machine gun, I’d know it was time to look for a new job.


  1. Alan

    Day 28 Mr Masher…….Well done *****. (That is 5 stars and not an expletive.)
    Would be a very short program if the good guys got shot in the first 5 minutes and they would be missing out on the customary sex before every mission.
    I am playing catch up on this series and have I think a total of 3 to watch.
    Lethal weapon on a Friday night has more accurate shooting and it is basically a comedy.

    • Masher

      Lethal Weapon?
      Is that a series or are you talking about the films?

      • Alan

        The series.

  2. David Sheriton

    Indeed young Masher. A sterling effort as always. I of couse was only able to make a Euro effort and the result shows that the UK was right no to join the single currency.

    Many is the evening when TMM and I sit watching an action film we comment on this very subject. At least Bond always had to escape from the table as the laser moved towards his goolies rather than the fact they’d placed the table inches to the side. In real life the baddies seem to be much more adept with guns.

    • Masher

      You made a good effort too, Dave.
      At first 🙂

      And yes, recent real-life events, have sadly shown that bad guys with guns, seem to be far more proficient than their cinematic counterparts.

  3. Brennig

    I love the artistry in Luc Besson’s films. Exceptionally-well choreographed action scenes are a Besson trademark. So too are the occasional flashes of gunplay brilliance

    • Masher

      Yeah, but even in that, all the bad guys are crap shots (watch the video that follows it).

  4. Jules

    You are already a henchman for making it to the end of your trial (well done!)though you failed to get my words in.*Smacked arse for you*

    • Masher

      Oh yeah. Sorry.

      Thing is, I wouldn’t have done as good a job as yourself, and then I’d been fretting about what you thought of it.
      That’s the trouble with being aladoctaphobic.

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