Home Alone 2

It’s summer ‘olidays time again, and – just like last year – we will be off to the south of that France soon.

Mrs Masher has already gone and has taken Amelia with her. Me and the boy will follow on a bit later.

Harry is a bit like me: he bores easily. And he doesn’t much like the heat.

The girls can happily lay out in the sun for eight or nine hours a day, smothered in factor 2, and doing – essentially – nothing.

But we boys, we can’t do that.

Yes, I’ll take the opportunity to catch up on some reading (books already loaded onto the Kindle and nerdy computer and radio magazines are  ready), constantly moving my lounger, as I follow the shade around the wooden parasol. But once I’ve finished, that’s it: I’m BORED!

Harry will do the parasol dance too, but his interests extend to playing games on his phone and that’s about it.

Of course, this is all punctuated with frequent trips to the bar; trips to the pool; trips to the bar again and trips back to our air-conditioned home for some respite from the heat.

Did I mention that I don’t like the heat?

And yes, we’ll go out in the car and do some Geocaching; we’ll see some sights and indulge in a couple of Leffe Blonds; maybe we’ll go out on a speedboat, like we did last year – as ridiculously expensive as that was – and I’m sure we will take a trip or two out to some of the gorgeous beaches they have there – not that I’m a beach fan, really… sand really does get EVERYWHERE, doesn’t it? And it chafes.

But we’ll have some fun, despite it being stupidly hot.

Then, after seven days, Harry and I will come back home, leaving Amelia and Mrs M out there… this year they are doing three weeks!

We’ll be happy to leave them laying in the sun.

I’ll come back to my nerdy toys; my dog and a fridge full of beer and Harry will come back to his beloved X-Box.

And we’ll have a brilliant time.


  1. Alan

    You could have saved the flight money, bought a few cases of that Leffe 👍and read a few books at home.

    • Masher

      Hmmm… why didn’t I think of that?!

  2. Rajesh

    You have a packed schedule.. no time to be bored.. no mention of radio though.. best of hols .. enjoy.

    • Rajesh

      and now i need to try Leffe..

    • Masher

      Thanks Rajesh.
      Don’t think the current Mrs Masher would take kindly to me bringing a radio along!

  3. Frances

    Not my idea of a holiday either……I would rather walk in a damp Devon/Northumberland wood with the dog!! ( Though it is a long way to either of them from here!!) And…..tell Mrs M and Amelia that all that sun will ruin their complexions and make them look years older than their age. Yes I may be a ” killjoy ” but speaking the truth about the sun and it’s effects. I have a sun worshipping friend who is 18 months older than me, and I was once taken for her daughter!!
    Enjoy your books. What are you reading?

    • Masher

      Oh, they know all that already, Frances… told ’em plenty of times.
      To be fair, Amelia won’t lay out in it as much as Mrs M… no-one can.

      Normally, I read science-fiction… been a sci-fi reader since I was a kid. But, I’m taking a break from that this year and have downloaded a couple of action thrillers from Chris Ryan’s canon. On top of that, I have three magazines (1 radio, 2 computer) and a book on antenna theory. Not sure if I’ll get through that little lot in a week, but we’ll see.

    • Alan

      Book number one……….The Dummies Guide To Applying Factor 1000.

      • Masher

        I actually wear very little sun-cream, Alan.
        Prefer to just keep out of the sun as much as poss.

  4. Dave

    Well, as your resident Southern France correspondent I can confirm that it is indeed hot. Over 40° in the direct sun everyday. As we say in France, le sweat est pissing out of moi! It’s going to rain on Wednesday but not neccesarily where they are.

    If there is any other exciting French news I need to tell you before you get here I will be in touch.

    • Masher

      Zut alors, that’s tres chaud, innit?!
      I shall – as we say in England – be steering well fuckin’ clear of that!

  5. Jules

    Having had a few holidays this year, I have come to the same conclusion as you – I don’t like the heat. You can’t do anything but lie still in it because traipsing around makes you proper nasty. If I go on hot holidays I tend to spend much of the time in the sea snorkelling and then under a parasol with shandy!

    Try Russia. In November.

    • Masher

      I’ve done Russia…. well, Moscow… in May.
      T’was lovely.

  6. Brennig

    What? Wait!

    What’s happening to the pooch?

    I mean, happy holidays and all that, but what’s happening to the dawg?

    • Masher

      Doggy Holiday Home!
      Yep, she gets one too.

      • Brennig

        I need more information about this

  7. Toffeeapple

    Scotland is the place to go for holidays – no sun, no beaches, lots of bars and resataurants and fun people. Bugger the beaches!

    • Toffeeapple


      • Alan

        Resataurants sounds a whole better. After all they are not restoodaurants.

        • Toffeeapple

          Thanks for the giggle, Alan!

          • Masher

            Been to Scotland many times… but always for work!
            Would love to visit Edinburgh for a couple of days to see the sights.

  8. Alan

    You just want to see if it is true what they wear under their kilts.

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