Category: Family (page 1 of 3)

Jammy bastard

When I am at work. I will have porage as a mid morning snack – as I have mentioned here before.

But at home – as I am today – I’m quite keen on tea and toast.

With jam.

And – as everyone knows – the best jam to have on toast, is apricot.

You are all probably also aware that the best apricot jam in the world, is made by my sister-in-law.

Unfortunately, she has run out, but this pot of French apricot conserve, is actually a pretty good substitute.

Wakey Wakey!

This is our alarm clock. It’s probably about 15 years old or more, but still going strong.

The good thing about it, is that it has two alarms: one for me and one for the current Mrs Masher.

The first alarm is mine and goes off at 5am, with a very annoying Beep Beep, Beep Beep… If I’m not awake before it goes off – which I usually am – then I tend to wake as soon as that first Beep Beep, goes off. No snoozing: straight up and out of bed.

Because I’m annoying like that.

The second alarm is for Mrs M. It’s the local radio station and it’s pretty loud. She will sleep through the first five minutes of it and then doze for another five before finally dragging herself out of bed.

Unbelievably though, I’ve known her to sleep right through it before now.

Walkies!

These are my walking boots.

They really were made for walking.

And I walk in them everyday, when I take the dog out.

They’re a bit heavy, but so VERY comfortable – now that I’ve broken them in.

But, I’m not the only one who loves my boots (or beewwts as they are known elsewhere).

Saber adores them because, when she sees me pick them up, she knows it’s THAT time.

Lost without it

This is my Swiss Army knife.

Well, one of them.

This is the larger of the two that I own.

The smaller one doesn’t have quite so many appendages, but it practically lives on my person. I carry it everywhere and it is always handy to have.  As it is always upon me though, I sometimes forget I have it… which is why it annoyingly got confiscated at Gatwick airport, a couple of years ago. Still, it made for a good gift the following Father’s Day.

Its bigger brother (featured above), lives on my desk and – again – is invaluable.

So much so, that a couple of years ago, I gave one to my Dad for Father’s Day, in the hope he would also find it as useful.

He did, and like me he carried it everywhere… which is why he had it confiscated at Heathrow Airport.

You can probably guess what he got for Father’s Day this year.

You get what you pay for

This is the calculator that I use at work.  I took it out of my desk drawer specifically for this photo. And I wrote SHELLOIL on it, because it would have been infantile to have written BOOBS… and – contrary to popular opinion – I am a grown up.

I bought this calculator… actually, I didn’t – my parents bought me this calculator to do my college exams with.  I remember going into Dixon’s with my mum, and I remember her wincing at the price when I picked out the one that I wanted.

But, I’ve always been one to look after things and so this calculator – though it’s somewhere around 38 years old – still works perfectly. And it even still has the original instruction manual, tucked into its imitation leather, plastic wallet.

It got me through my electronics exams.

It got me through my Radio Amateur’s exam.

It even got me through the mathematical questions they suddenly threw at me, at my job interview for the GPO/British Telecom.

OK, yes, I’ve had to change the batteries and clean up the PCB, but on the whole, mum, I think I got your money’s worth.

Woof!

Well, I haven’t posted any pictures of muttley for a while, so what better opportunity than during a blogging challenge?

Saber is about 14 or 15 months old now and she has more energy than the Duracell bunny.

She eats like a horse and is costing a small fortune to keep.

But, she’s also dragging Mrs Masher and I out of our armchairs and onto long walks… which can’t be a bad thing.

Aaaahhhhhtchoo!!

It’s that time of year, again.

As a child, I never suffered from hayfever and I would ridicule any of my school-friends that did: “C’mon”, I’d say, “It’s only a bit of pollen!”

When I reached adulthood though, it suddenly hit me and I fully understood the torment that my friends had gone through.  I then suffered with it for many years.

As I got older, the symptoms started to reduce slightly each year, and nowadays I only really get it if the count is high and I am on my bike: pollen up the nostrils at 60mph, is bound to have an effect!

This year though, I have started suffering from it quite badly again.

And I’m not alone, as both kids also have it pretty bad.

Today, I have made the first of – what I am sure will be – many trips to the chemist, for some much needed relief.

The price of these medications seem to go up each year, but, as I’m sure any fellow sufferers will agree, it’s a price well worth paying.

Lazy Sunday Afternoon

It’s been a tiring old weekend, with lots getting done and we needed to kick back a bit.

So, this afternoon, we had some family over for a barbecue and a few drinks.

And then a few more drinks.

Now, I’ve liked whisky for a long time and our sideboard has many bottles in it, that have been bought me over the years.

And whilst I’m partial to a nice scotch, I find Irish that bit smoorther.

This one was unopened and was shouting out to be uncorked… Mick and I didn’t want to let it down.

A fair afternoon’s work, I’d say.

Hooray, hooray, the first of May. Again.

Today – as young Bren was keen to point out to me, ridiculously early this morning – is my birthday.

So, how old am I?

Very old.

At least, that’s what my kids are always telling me.

But, age is just a number, apparently.

However, it’s a number that my head disagrees with and my knees complain about… constantly.

I do exhibit many of the tell-tale signs of advanced age, though:

I have no idea what is number 1 in the charts and I doubt I would recognise many of the artists. The best decade for music, of course, was the eighties.

We all know that.

I have no idea about many of today’s ‘celebrities’ – they’re just unfamiliar faces on the front page of the tabloids, as far as I am concerned.

And I fondly remember sloppy disks; diskettes; Compact Cassettes ; VHS, Betamax and Video 2000; Laser Disks; Walkman(s); Fred Housego; Anneka Rice; Kenneth Williams; The Goodies and Bless This House; Stingray and Joe 90 and much, much more.

Better times, I reckon.

Maybe.

The times they are… have changed

“Learn anything good at school today?” is a question I ask the kids almost every night when I get home from work.
Most of the time, they can’t remember what they learnt and reply just with a surly grunt.

“Learn anything good at school today?” I asked thirteen year-old Harry, when I got in, this evening.  “Yep”, he replied promptly. “I learnt how to put a condom on”.
Well, that stopped me in my tracks, I can tell you.

“That’s, er, good” I said, trying to look unfazed and be cool about it. “I take it you didn’t actually put one on, but used a banana or cucumber?”

“Oh no”, he replied, “we used a dildo” Again, that stopped me in my tracks and I decided to leave it there.  The current Mrs Masher, however, was keen to hear more and pushed for more details.

“Well, we also learnt about various sexual diseases, like…” and he rattled off the names of several STDs.

“Anything else?”, Mrs M asked.

He thought for a moment. “Oh yeah, they showed us a femidom and showed us how that should be used and also, they showed us a plastic sheet that you put over your bum if you want to have anal sex.”

I got up out of the chair and went to make a cup of tea, leaving Mrs M to continue the interrogation.

I can remember the sex education that we got at school, back in nineteen filthy-lie. 
We were made to watch a video (a short film on a projector, as it was back then) in a darkened school hall, where we all giggled as naked pictures of men and women were shown to us, each with arrows pointing out their respective sexy bits.
Then, back in the classroom, we were all allowed to ask just one related question – anonymously, to save any embarrassment – by writing it on a piece of paper for the teacher to read out. I can’t remember exactly what my question was… something to do with breasts.

But I do remember the teacher reading it out and then looking straight at me as he answered it! 

And I remember going bright red with embarrassment.

I think I would have just curled up and died, if I’d been told to put a condom on a dildo!

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