Isn’t astrology wonderful? The ability to look through space (and time) and see not only new worlds but also to see the creation and evolution of stars and galaxies.

No, hold on… that’s astronomy, that is… a proper science.

Astrology is, well… a load of crystal balls.

With it’s roots firmly planted in the distant past, when the supernatural was considered a science, it purports to predict a person’s future through the alignment of celestial bodies such as the sun, the moon and the planets, along with various star systems.  Pure hokum.

And yet, as per my earlier post, people believe in this. Hundreds of thousands of them, all over the world.

Mad.

There are many charlatans astrologers out there, earning a decent living through making this stuff up, so I thought it might be fun to take a look at what they are predicting for me.  And, I figured that if there is any veracity in this at all, then if I were to check predictions from several different charlatans astrologers, then surely there must be some crossover: surely some of their predictions will match up somewhere.

So, here is my horoscope, from several of the higher profile charlatans astrologers for today:

Mystic Meg – The Sun
Finding and keeping work that feels like fun comes closer once you switch off your self-doubt.
And talking honestly about your skills can be the key to helping this happen.
Being bolder in love comes more easily the more you practise – and yes, a neighbour to the left of you is longing for you to try.

OK, I do have a neighbour to the left of me, so you got that bit right. I wonder what it is that she is keen for me to try.

Russel Grant – Daily Express
It is not a day to take everything that everyone says too seriously. If a business rival manages to damage your confidence by getting to you through their insensitive comments, you have let them win. Don’t make any rash decisions based on another person’s thoughtless remarks.

I never take things seriously and I don’t think I have any business rivals.

Elle Magazine
Your candid perspective could land you in hot water today, as the moon fires up your forthright ninth house. Try to tone down the bluntness if possible—a little diplomacy will go a long way. This is especially important if you’re delivering feedback to a sensitive person. Is it really worth starting World War III over this inconsequential detail? The same thing holds true for any social media rants you’re tempted to post. Ask yourself—do you really feel like spending your day battling trolls?

Damn! I hate it when the moon does that to my ninth house!  WW3? Is Putin a Taurean, I wonder?  And I don’t do social media, so fighting trolls is out of the question.

Michele Knight – The UK’s Favourite Astrologer (apparently)
A month to the day after Mars not only left your financial sector but ended all planetary activity on this side of the financial fence until later in the year, the Moon is here with a chance to check in. As well as fuelling your financial instincts and imagination, as you become more emotionally and intuitively engaged this will help you to reconnect with the financial passions and fighting spirit the warrior planet of the cosmos left you with. Mars may have moved on but he has left you with the means to take your financial power back.

Ahh, so that’s why I was skint last month: Mars made me spend all that money. Or was it the moon? No, it can’t have been the moon, as that was busy buggering up my ninth house.

So, there you have it.  Nothing matches up and everything said could apply to anyone at anytime. Spout enough drivel to enough people and at some point you’ll get it right.

But, fortunately for me, us Taureans don’t believe in such nonsense.