“It’s not quite a Jaguar.”

Inspired by my own post on this very day last year (which was inspired in turn, by one from Mr Jones), about the motorbikes that I have owned over the years, I thought I might do the same again, but this time with cars.

To be honest, cars have never really interested me that much. Unlike many of my brethren, I don’t think I have ever lusted after any car in particular. I’ve had many mates (and family) who have said “Ooh, look at that! That’s my dream car, that is. I’m gonna have one of them, one day.”  But not me.  So long as it is comfortable, reliable and gets me from A to B, I’m not too fussed about what I drive.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to drive any old piece of rubbish: with the amount of time that I spend on the roads (at least, pre-pandemic) I’ve always gone for something half-decent.  In fact, what’s on the inside is probably more important to me than what it looks like on the outside.  If I am going to spend hours behind the wheel (as I have done, in the past) then I want some home comforts to go with it.

A decent radio player, with DAB as well as FM; the ability to play CDs or stream audio from a memory stick; a built-in sat nav (can’t be arsed with sticking my phone to the windscreen so that I can see Google Maps) and automatically linking bluetooth hands-free with voice control is pretty much the minimum requirement. My present car has all this – as did my previous one – and I’m not sure I could go without that sort of convenience nowadays.

Of course, all that technical wizardry wasn’t available back when I bought my first car, about forty years ago.  I didn’t pass my driving test until I was about 19 or 20 as I was in no rush: I had a motorbike, so transport wasn’t much of a problem and the GPO were teaching me to drive so it saved me a lot of money in driving lessons. Most of my mates were already driving their second or third cars by the time I got round to purchasing my first – a dull yellow 1600cc Vauxhall Cavalier.  I had that car for a few years, before I accidentally lost control of it on some ice and put it in a ditch whilst heading to a training course at STC in Harlow.  Luckily, I was only doing about 5mph at the time.

My next car was very different: a Series 3 Land Rover, which I bought from a policeman who was teaching me karate.  He happened to mention to me that he was selling it and as I was without a car and he was selling it at a pretty good price, it seemed a no brainer.  It was – as they say – a cracking motor. He had done lots of work on it and it looked the business with it’s bright red resprayed paintwork and big bull bars on the front.  He’d also taken the engine out and had fitted a 3.5ltr V8 Range Rover engine.  This thing went like tonk! Must have been one of the fastest Land Rovers around.  He had also fitted fuel-saving devices such as a Kenlow electric fan and free-wheeling hubs on the front, but even so, it did little more than 12mpg. It was a fun car to drive and it looked the business, but every time I went out in it, the first thing I would have to do is call into the local petrol station. And so, after a couple years, I sold it to a mate at work.

My next jalopy was a Suzuki SJ413 soft top jeep. That was a lot of fun to drive and the dog absolutely loved going in the back… especially in Summer when I had the top down.  Though it lacked the 4WD pedigree of the Land Rover, I quickly learnt that this thing could go almost anywhere… in the right hands. I used to take it over to our local chalk pits – a favourite haunt for the 4WD boys – to see what it could do.  Seemed it was more capable than I was! I got it stuck one day and no matter what I tried, I couldn’t get out of this dip that I had driven in to.  I could hear the 4WD brigade having fun the other side of the hill and so I walked over and shamefacedly asked for help.  A guy came back with me for a look and said that it should be pretty easy. He took my keys and I kept back as he revved the fuck out of it’s little engine and dropped the clutch. The little jeep  sped up the incline and hopped over the top with ease. The guy gave a smug smile as he tossed me the keys and strode off.  Despite it’s off-road ability, this particular model had a bit of a reputation for toppling over on the road, due to it’s high centre of gravity. It never did so with me, but yes, a couple of times it felt like it was almost going on to two wheels, if I went too quickly round a roundabout.

Some years later, I was given a company car and so Mrs M and I chopped in both my Jeep and her Corsa and bought a Peugeot 405.  A big old beast of a car that only just fitted in the garage – and which received a number of scratches down the side, as a result.  But it was quite pleasant to drive… not that I got to drive it much, as Mrs M used it almost exclusively.

When our company car scheme came to an end – during which time I had driven two Vauxhall Vectras,  I bought myself a gold-coloured Rover 75 SE Connoisseur – my first car with an automatic gearbox.  Often cited as the poor-man’s Jag, this was quite a luxurious car: full leather upholstery; heated memory seats; walnut veneer trim and dashboard, a six-CD autochanger and a  built-in Sat Nav that doubled up as a television (disabled whenever the car was moving) gave me all the creature comforts.  It was a big heavy car, but that didn’t seem to bother the 2.5ltr BMW diesel under the bonnet.  A bit of an old man’s car, I got a lot of stick from my mates, however, as I mentioned, I like a comfortable car and they didn’t come much more comfortable than this. It was a joy to drive.  When I changed job and started contracting, that car effortlessly took me and all my tools all over the country and it wasn’t long before it had clocked up 120, 000 miles. The quality German power unit still had plenty of life in it, but the British-built gearbox started to make some complaints and when I made some enquiries as to how it would cost to get it fixed, I realised it was time to change.

I don’t like shopping for cars. I really can’t be bothered travelling from dealership to dealership and back, umming and arring over what to get.  From getting the quote on the Rover’s gearbox,  deciding I’d better get a new car, and then actually buying one, probably took about two hours.  I’d seen a Honda CRV when we were on holiday in french France and had liked the look of it. It looked good and it looked practical for carrying two young kids around. And so I left the gearbox garage, drove up to our local Honda dealer, found a CRV, took it out for a test drive and bought it. The shortest amount of time it has taken me to choose and buy any vehicle and quite possibly the best car I’ve ever owned.  Comfortable, smooth and reliable, it took me all over the country for work and it took the whole family down to the south of France without a single problem.  Even when I had clocked up 175,000 miles, the engine still ran smoothly, but after driving it for a number of years, it was starting to show wear and tear and so I decided a new car was needed.

I hasten to add, that when I say ‘new’ I mean new to me, not brand new. I have never bought a car brand new as they just devalue so quickly. Getting one that’s a couple of years old normally gives better value.

And so, after a short period of looking around – I wasn’t sure what I was looking for, really – I ended up part-exchanging the Honda for a Ford Focus.  It is this: meh.  Not the most interesting car to drive , but it goes well, it’s reasonably comfortable and it has all the little niceties inside, that I like.   I’ve had it for over five years now and currently have no plans to change it.  At one point it looked like I would need to, purely because I was racking up the miles, but with the pandemic and the whole working from home thing, it’s now  probably considered to be low mileage for it’s age.

So, there you have it: forty years of driving and I have owned just SEVEN cars.