I was chatting on the radio, as I rounded Handjob Corner on last night’s perambulations with the dog.

“Would you believe it, they’re here again!”, I said. “Just standby for two minutes, I’m going to have a word.”

As I’d been walking through the woods, I had been behind a family out with their dogs. They had turned left into the field, rather than follow the path round to the right as I had, so they hadn’t happened across the two youngsters up to their shenanigans on the log.  But this was the fourth time I’d bumped into them!

She was seated on the fallen tree and he was stood before her as per usual, but this time it looked different somehow.

As I got closer, they huddled into each other to hide any embarrassment.

As I drew level on the path, I stopped and spoke to them. “You alright there?” I asked.  The young lad mumbled something incomprehensible and so I took a step nearer. “Sorry, I didn’t catch that.”

He mumbled again, so I took another step closer. “Sorry, still didn’t get that”, I said. They now both looked physically uncomfortable at my close proximity. “We’re OK”, said the young lad, speaking up to avoid me getting any closer. To be fair, I don’t think I could have got much closer, as we were now only a few feet from each other. The girl kept her head down and slightly turned away from me. I doubt either of them were much older than sixteen.

“What’re you doing?” I asked, matter-of-factly.

“Me and my girlfriend are just kissing”, he said.  At this point, Saber took an interest, went up to him and started sniffing his leg. Startled, he jumped back, removing what little cover he was affording his girlfriend.

Her trousers were down around her knees.

I nodded toward her exposed bare legs: “It looks like you’re doing a bit more than kissing”, I said, as she pulled her coat tails up to try and cover her privates.

“Look”, I said, “I’ve got no problem with this sort of thing… we were all young once, but do you have to do it right on the main path?”

“We’re not on the path”, he said.

I pointed to the path behind me. “You’re ten feet away!”

He looked at me, abashed. “It’s awkward” he said. I’m not sure what he meant by that exactly.

“Why don’t you go further into the woods where you can’t be seen?”  The girl kept her head down, but giggled at this. “And you… “, I said, “pull your trousers up”.

She started to, but then realised she couldn’t do so, without exposing herself to me. “Stop looking then”, she said, indignantly.

“Please, just try to find somewhere a bit more private”, I said, as I turned and continued on my way.

Whether that’s the last I’ll see of them, I just don’t know.