I was overjoyed this morning, when a very nice Indian lady from Virgin Media phoned me.

Firstly, because it gave me something to write about.

Secondly – and far more importantly – she was explaining how people from other countries were hacking into my IP address.  I asked what these naughty people were doing when they got into my IP address and she couldn’t answer that properly, but the urgency in her voice convinced me that it was something that needed rectifying straightaway.

She told me that I needed a special firewall on my phone, in order to prevent the bad people from hacking into it.

She then took me through the process of installing remote access software on my phone, which I duly did.

And then I opened the app on the phone, just as she instructed me to.

But, when I questioned whether I should just agree to the EULA and DPA policies as she suggested, without actually reading them first, she hung up on me.

I’ll admit to being a bit disappointed: I thought I was playing my part very well. I wasn’t dithering too much and I hardly spelt anything wrong when we searched for the remote software – her phonetic alphabet was spot on.

But, without a word, she hung up on me.  Maybe the scammers have inroduced a ten-minute rule, in order stop time-wasters like myself.  I mean, she probably had targets to meet, else she would be marked down in her monthly appraisal.

Eleven minutes and thirty seconds.

Not bad, but I know I can do better.