One-Hour Photo

/ masher / 6 Comments

An excellent film.

Now, in the ‘old days’ we all used to do it.

But, I’m not sure that many people do so, nowadays.

I still do it though: I keep my photos in a photo album.

Not ALL of them, of course, but whenever we go on a major holiday – or even a few minor ones – I get the photos printed (again, not all of them, just the better ones) and I put them into a folder, along with my written-up diary.

Yes, I keep a holiday diary.  Because, several years later, Mrs M and I will always argue about the name of a place that we visited whilst on holiday, or the name of that waiter with the dodgy eye… or something. The folder can then be retrieved and the argument resolved in just a few minutes.

Plus, it’s just something I enjoy doing.

And, I will always take a proper camera with me, when we go away.  Not many people do so anymore, as most people are happy just to use their phone, as it’s so convenient.

Of course, phone cameras have come on in leaps and bounds over the years and can produce some excellent shots, but for me, I’m just more comfortable with a proper camera in my hands.  Admittedly, the camera bag full of lenses and a digital SLR has given way to a very capable compact camera, in recent years, but I still prefer that over a phone camera.

And of course, the digital versions of the diary and the photos are kept on the computer and are also backed up to an external drive, as well as being copied onto a DVD-ROM which is kept in the folder – I’ve learnt my back-up lessons the hard way.

Digital photography has made it so much easier for everyone to capture those special moments,  but I wonder how many of them end up being lost, trapped in the memory chips of discarded mobile phones or lurking at the back of an obscure Faceache page that no-one looks at anymore?

The King Of Comedy

/ masher / 10 Comments

I’ve always been a fan of comedy.

Sounds a stupid thing to say doesn’t it? I mean, who isn’t? Everyone likes a laugh, don’t they?

But, there’s comedy and there’s ‘comedy’.

There’s After Life and there’s Mrs Brown’s Boys.

There’s Detectorists and there’s Two Pints Of Lager…

Very different shows, catering for what I suspect are very different audiences.

I’ve not yet met anyone who likes both the former and the latter.  For me – and in the two examples above – it’s the former. Every time.

But, I’ve always had a penchant for the absurd and the wacky.

I grew up with Python and The Goodies, Not The Nine O’clock News and The Young Ones, all of them anarchic and unconventional.

And I can trace this love of silly humour all the way back to 1977, when I read Spike Milligan’s war memoir “Rommel? Gunner Who?”

I don’t know how or why that book came to be in my possession; whether I just happened across it or whether it was recommended to me, I just don’t know. But I do remember reading it in the back of my dad’s Cortina on our way down to Minehead during the holidays, and I was just crying with laughter.

In later years I discovered Spike’s radio triumph The Goon Show and spent a fortune acquiring as many shows as I could on cassette tape from HMV.

I joined the Goon Show fan club and would motorcycle into London, for meet ups with them, once a month. A friendly and enthusiastic bunch who were sometimes a little too, er… enthusiastic. Occasionally, Spike himself or Michael Bentine would venture down and buy the drinks and a brilliant night of storytelling would ensue.

Through the club, I made a penpal. Of course, these were pre-internet days and so yes, an actual pen was used and we would write ridiculous letters back and forth to each other. She even put me up (or put up with me) for a month in her home in California.

Which was nice.

As a quite active member of the club, I sort of became part of the inner circle and was very excited once, when Spike invited a small group of us to his house for dinner. Unfortunately, I couldn’t go that day, as I had a family function to attend.

“Oh well, maybe next time.”

There wasn’t a next time.

Many comedy historians cite Milligan as the man who changed the face of British television and radio comedy, and I think that’s true. His influence can certainly be seen in some of the comedy  programmes that I mentioned earlier.

But, for me, he’s just the man who brought hours of laughter and joy into my life, both directly and indirectly, and for that, I thank him dearly.

He died 21 years ago, today.

Carry On Doctor

/ masher / 4 Comments

I had a phone call in the week, from my doctors’ surgery.  It was to invite me to a ‘Health Check’… something they offer to those of us of a certain  age maturity.

So yesterday morning, I popped along and was promptly seen by a young, student nurse.

She made me stand on a set of scales and then told me I was overweight.

She took my blood pressure and then told me it was too high.

She asked about my lifestyle and then told me I needed to take more exercise.

I was starting to not like this girl.

She asked me how many units of alcohol I drink in a week, and at that point,  I decided it would be best if I just lied.

She was quite pleased with my answer and then asked about how much fruit and veg I eat.

I lied about that as well.

By now, we were getting on swimmingly.

At the end of the consultation, she advised me to get a bit more exercise and try to lose a little weight, to which I readily agreed.

Let’s face it,  it could have been so much worse.

Quantumania

/ masher / 6 Comments

Last night, the kids and I went to the pictures, to see the latest Marvel film – Ant Man & The Wasp: Quantumania.

Ant Man has never been one of my more favoured protagonists from the Marvel cannon, but I do like Paul Rudd’s portrayal of the character and I did enjoy the previous two efforts, so this one was always going to be on the cards for us.

Also, this is the first film in Phase 5, so whoever the big bad guy is in this one, he’s also likely to feature as the big bad guy in all the films that Marvel release over the next couple of years.

He’s the new Thanos.

Of course, ‘he’ could be a ‘she’… I’m not saying.

But, unfortunately, this film just didn’t work for me.  It was too silly (yes, I know all Marvel films are silly, but this one was a little too much for my tastes) and it just didn’t hold my attention.

In fact, I fell asleep half way through and missed a big chunk of it.

Also – as is to be expected in a film like this – there was a lot of CGI. It was good, but it didn’t feel as well done as in some other films – I’m thinking here of the recent Avatar- Way Of Water, where the CGI was done so well, that I didn’t feel I was watching animated characters.

Overall, I enjoyed most of what I saw though and I’m suitably impressed with the new bad guy. It’s enough to give me hope for the future releases in this phase of the MCU.

Good Will Hunting

/ masher / 8 Comments

A couple of years ago, I mentioned on this very blog that I had taken steps to ensure that Mrs. M had access to my will and all my finances etc, in the case of my sudden demise.

Because… well, you know, it happens.

It hasn’t happened to me yet though.

Evidently.

But, I realised the other day that I now need to update it, because things change.

In that short 2-year period, my finances have changed dramatically.

People I have bequeathed items to have ‘moved on’.

And I’ve changed my mind about the music I’d like played at the service… several times.

And so, I will try to find some time in my busy and hectic schedule, to sit down and make those changes.

Best do it soon though, as I’m feeling a little bit Tom & Dick, today.

Family Reunion

/ masher / 7 Comments

My wfe and daughter returned from their holiday last night.

This means that, once again, I have to get used to sleeping with someone who steals the duvet, grinds her teeth and snores like an asthmatic bear.

It means that, whilst the daily energy energy bill has remained quite low for the past two weeks, the digits on my smartmeter display will now start ticking over like those on a pinball machine, again.

It means that the backs of the chairs and sofas will again disappear, becoming hanging space for various tops and hoodies and the like.

It means that the bathroom – which has been pristine for the past fortnight – will now be overloaded with bottles of shampoos and conditioners and lotions and creams and hairbrushes full of hair… and I give it two days before the plugholes get clogged up.

And, with females back in the house, toilet roll consumption will now go back from one a fortnight to one a day.

You know what… I wouldn’t have it any other way.

The Social Network

/ masher / 8 Comments

I’ve mentioned here before, that I don’t do social media.

I’m not a member of InstaFace or the Twitters or any of the other online hangouts that the masses seem drawn to.

Admittedly, when I was younger and going through my experimental phase, I dabbled in a bit of Friends Reunited, but I wasn’t addicted to it and I could have quit it anytime I wanted to.

Which I eventually did.

My one concession to the genre, however, has been LinkedIn.

I was persuaded to join LinkedIn back in 2008 or so, when I was contracting. “It could help you get another job”, I was told.

It never has.

Yes, I’ve received a number of emails from recruiting agencies over the years, offering me six-month contracts in Outer Mongolia, and stuff like that, but never anything decent.  Admittedly, I’ve not actually followed up on most of the recruiting mails that I’ve received, so maybe there could have been something half-decent in there… we’ll never know.

But, LinkedIn has always got on my nerves: people I’ve never heard of… wanting to join my ‘network’.

People I worked with years ago and can barely remember… wanting to join my ‘network’.

People that I knew only fleetingly whilst contracting (engineers that pass in the night)… wanting to join my ‘network’.

To me, for most LinkedIn members, it wasn’t so much about connecting with people who could help you find a new job, but more about how many connections they could get in their own ‘networks’.

And the constant emails:

“Masher, somebody you’ve never heard of just posted something that might interest you”.

“Masher, sombody else you’ve never heard of is congratulating you for five-years at the Acme Water Company”.

“Masher, your career trajectory is gaining momentum! Add these people who you don’t know, to your network and see it really take off!”

I was right fed up with it so, today, I took the decision to close my account.

When I tried to do so, as well as deleting the account, it also gave me an option to ‘pause’ it and hide it from public view.  At first, I was tempted by this option, but then thought better of it and permanently deleted the account.

I immediately received an email from them, saying they were sorry to see me go.

The feeling isn’t mutual.

I’m free! Free, ya hear me? FREE!

Ha ha ha ha ha…

Electric Dreams

/ masher / 12 Comments

Those of a technophobic disposition should probably look away now.

As with so many others at the time, my very first programmable computer was the ZX81 from Sinclair.
I can remember the stir caused by its predessor, the ZX80, which had me excited to get one, and when I did, in 1981, I wasn’t disappointed. This was all so new and exciting and opened up so many possibilities for someone with a technical bent, like myself.  The ZX81 itself, though pioneering, was a limited machine, especially with its very limiting 1k of memory. It wasn’t long before add-ons came out – one of the most useful of which was a 16K RAM pack that plugged into the rear of the computer.  This made a big difference, as it allowed larger and more useful programs to be run on the machine. However, it was also very infuriating, as the edge connector wasn’t the best at making contact and the slightest knock or wobble would cause it to lose everything. Hours of painstaking typing on that ridiculous membrane keyboard could be lost in a split-second if you weren’t careful.  I purchased a proper keyboard for mine – made by Maplin (RIP), I think – which was so much better.  I then took the computer apart and rebuilt it into a project box – also procured from Maplin – fixing the RAM pack directly onto the board to eradicate the wobble problem and fitting the power supply inside. I then had to fit a small fan to the top, as I found it would get quite hot.  I learnt a quite a bit from playing with that machine.

Inspired by Sinclair’s success in the field, it wasn’t long before other manufacturers started to flood the marketplace with their own machines. My next purchase was a Sharp MZ80K, Which I bought from Lasky’s (RIP) and which had a proper keyboard (well, almost) and a built-in monitor and also a built-in cassette deck for saving and loading up programs. With its huge 48KB of RAM, it was a big step up from the ZX81.  I think it was possible to run programs in Pascal on the MZ, but having cut my teeth on BASIC, I struggled to learn it. However, it didn’t hold me back as I became quite a whizz with BASIC and would write some fairly impressive stuff… if I do say so myself.  I spents hundreds of hours glued to that machine – sometimes even taking sick days from work, just so I could finish writing a program. It became quite an obsession.

The BBC Micro was quite ubiquitous by now, but for some reason I bypassed it completely… maybe I didn’t want to switch from the Z80 processor that I had been using so far?  I don’t know. Anyway, next along for me – and sticking with that same processor –  was the Amstrad CPC6128: a colour machine with a whopping 128KB of memory and – more importantly – a built-in floppy disk drive. Oh yeah!    Loading and saving to tape was slow and laborious, so again, this was another seachange.  This had a better keyboard than the old Sharp and the disk drive was a joy to use in comparison to the old cassette tape. As such, I spent even more hours seated in front of this, than I did with the MZ. This machine introduced me to Word Processing, via a program called Protext that I had on a selectable ROM and an Epson FX80 dot matrix printer which used tractor-fed fan-fold paper. It was bloody brilliant… for those days. The CPC6128 was the last complete desktop computer I ever bought.

In the second half of the 80’s, the Personal Computer (PC) was becoming the standard and I thought I’d have a crack at building one. I’d read about what was involved in one of the computer magazines of the day – and weren’t there some computer magazines back then? Hundreds of different titles. Our local WH Smiths barely had room to stock anything else.  Anyway, by phoning the proprietors of various adverts in these magazines (there was no real ‘online’ yet) I ordered all the bits to build an AT 286… what was commonly known back then as an IBM Clone.  I remember receiving the Hard Drive in the post: a secondhand Amstrad 20MB unit.  Twenty Meg! That was huge! I’d never be able to fill that up!  It took me an evening to figure it out and put it all together, but it worked first time.  Once again, the speed and the convenience over what I’d had before, was a revelation. And I just loved the 5¼ floppy drive.  A ‘proper’ floppy!

From then on, it has all just been a series of upgrades: 286 to 386; 386 to 486; 486 to Pentium, etc, etc. All housed within the same desktop case, so they all looked exactly the same, but each came with a performance improvement.

And then I switched to AMD processors and haven’t looked back: more bang for your buck.

My current desktop (in a newer and bigger case) runs an AMD Ryzen 5 with 6 cores; 16Gb of RAM and a 1TB Solid State Drive.  She fair flies along and has four external USB drives permanently plugged into her, as well as a NAS drive; an inkjet printer; a laser printer/scanner; an SDRPlay RSP and a Kenwood TS-590 HF radio tranceiver.

I currently have no need to upgrade, but with 16-core processors now on the market, and large SSD drives getting cheaper all the time, it probably won’t be too long before I get out the screwdrivers and the thermal paste.

 

 

 

 

G-Force

/ masher / 7 Comments

For years, my daughter has wanted to keep guinea pigs, but I’ve always said no.

As she wouldn’t keep them outside – “It’s too cold for them out there. They’ll DIE!” – and we didn’t have room indoors, I put my foot down and said no way.

And then, one day, I came home from work to find that she had acquired (with a little help and agreement from her mum, it turns out) two of the damn things, along with a cage to keep them in… a cage the size of a small car. It just about fits in her bedroom.

One of the tasks given me whilst she is on holiday with her mum, is to keep the pigs alive.

I’ve managed that… so far.

Before she left, I did ask – just out of interest – where I could buy two guinea pigs that looked exactly like hers.  Just out of interest.  She didn’t like that joke.  At all.

But, they’re not dead yet, so I’ve just got to keep them going until she returns at the end of the week.

Yesterday, I thought I should clean out the cage, because they’ve had a week of pissing and shitting in there, so it must be rank.

I pulled on some rubber gloves, lifted the little blighters out and put them in a box and got to work.

I was right: rank.

But, they now have clean bedding and the old stuff has been washed and aired.

Took me about an hour to clean it all out and replace the bedding. Pain in the arse job that made my back ache.

Gimme a dog, any day.

Easyrider

/ masher / 5 Comments

Yesterday, myself, Son and a mate went down to that London, to visit the MCN Motorbike Show at the ExCel.

There were lots of nice motorcycles to look at and drool over and plenty of clothing and accessories to help you part with your hard-earned.

I didn’t buy anything. It wasn’t for want of trying though.

I quite fancied a new leather jacket. I don’t need one… just fancied a new one.  I saw a perfect one on a stall selling jackets, trousers, gloves and all sorts of motorcycling apparel.  I say the jacket was perfect, and it was, except… it didn’t fit. It was a Large and it didn’t fit.  So I tried an XL and then an XXL with no joy.  The owner of the stall found me an XXXL in another style and that fitted OK, but I didn’t like the style.

So instead, I decided to get some earplugs. The foam ones that I currently use are a bit rubbish. There was a stall at the show that was making custom made earplugs from silicone rubber. I’d heard of these before and they are supposed to be very good, if a little pricey. In fact, I baulked somewhat when the guy told ne they were going to be ninety-four quid for the pair, but he offered me a  “Show Price” – effectively 10% off –  and I went for it.

Using one of those things that the doctor uses to look into your ears, he checked both mine then declared that he was unable to make a mould of my ears as both had wax in them, which would need to be removed first. Bugger. Not sure how I’m supposed to do that… with the current pressures on the NHS, it doesn’t feel right making an appointment just to get my ears syringed.

But overall, it was an enjoyable day out. Though not as big as the NEC show in Birmingham, it was still a fair sized show, and we managed to get round and see everything in about four hours or so.

My one complaint, would be about the parking.  It was easy to find and there were plenty of spaces available but, there was only one option for length of stay: 24 hours… which cost £25.00.  We only wanted four or five hours, but had to pay for a full day.  Bit of a rip off, ExCel.

Back To The Future

/ masher / 4 Comments

I was walking the dog through the woods last night, when my phone rang.

It was the current Mrs. Masher and so we had a bit of a natter for about ten minutes.

Nothing unusual about that telephone call, other than the fact that I was walking in the woods and Mrs. M was nearly 4,000 miles away, on a cruise ship in the middle of the Arabian Sea.

And it got me thinking: when I was a kid, that kind of thing was the stuff of science-fiction, but today’s generation… well, they take it for granted, don’t they?

And I wonder if, in forty years or so, my kids will be thinking along similar lines:

“You kids have got it easy! I can remember in my day, when phone calls were restricted to on-world only. “

Sleeping Beauty

/ masher / 4 Comments

As mentioned in an earlier post, I have to get up at 5am each morning, so that I can take my daughter to work.

But, she is currently away on holiday with Mrs. M, and so that means I get a lay-in. Yay!

I have set the alarm for 6am, so that I can have an extra hour in bed.

But, so far, it hasn’t happened. My internal body clock keeps rousing me at around 5am.

And once I’m awake, I generally have to get up. I can’t just lay there.

Which is fine. I’m very much a morning person, so once I’m up I’m quite happy.

However, this morning, I was really tired, thanks to someone’s bastard car alarm that had me up at 3am so, when I automatically woke up and saw on the bedside clock that it was only ten-past five, I groaned and rolled over, to go back to sleep.

The dog was having none of that though.  She’d heard my slight groan and bounded up the stairs, into the bedroom to make sure I got up. She often does this.

Her technique, is to sit by the bed and stare intently at me. I can feel her telepathic doggy thoughts burrowing into my brain: “Get up! Take me for a walk.”

If that doesn’t work (which it normally does, to be fair), then we get the paw clawing on the bed, which makes a rasping sound as she drags it across the duvet.

Her final trick is a pathetic whimper, as if she desperately needs me to get up and let her out for a wee, but once I get up, she’s happy and goes back downstairs and lays on her bed. Stupid dog.

One extra hour in bed… for a couple of weeks!

It’s not much to ask for.